Jupiter Ascending

Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Eddie Redmayne, Douglas Booth
Directed by the Wachowski siblings
Rating: D

Jupiter Jones was destined for great things, but it didn’t stop the movie from sucking.

Supposedly just an ordinary human girl, it turns out Jupiter (Kunis) is the reincarnation of a Queen of the universe type character. Aliens are sent to kill her, so the princes and princess can inherit the Earth instead. Jupiter’s savior comes in the form of a genetically-engineered hunter, named Cain Wise (Tatum).

The Abraxas siblings want Earth so they can harvest the over-populated planet to extend their lifespan. They’ve been doing this for years with other planets, but their mother owned the Earth and with it out of their hands, they want Jupiter dead.

What could have been a cool sci-fi movie just flopped, because there were too many things wrong with it. Let’s start with the characters.

It was too painful to look at Channing Tatum’s half-human, half-dog character. Maybe it was the blond hair and beard, or maybe it was the dark eye shadow that made him look like he was wearing makeup instead of being a hybrid. The only redeeming quality was that he was the only believable character in the movie. He was the bad-guy-turned-good, though there was never a proper explanation for his history. Yet every time he came to Jupiter’s rescue, I believed in his intentions.

The other cringe-worthy character of the movie was Eddie Redmayne’s Balem Abrasax. His whispered lines and mopey demeanor just raised question marks every time he was on the screen. Why??? It was like he was going for the quiet-but-powerful personality type as the reincarnated Queen’s son, but all his whispery lines did was make him annoying to watch. Also, what is it with the two sons being so in love with their mother?

It seems like the only thing that happens to her is falling from high places.

Then there is Mila Kunis’ Jupiter Jones. It’s one thing to just “go with it” when she discovers there is more to the universe but she accepts the fact that she is a reincarnation of Queen Abraxas, she doesn’t freak out. Instead she takes on the role pretty coolly, and handles talking to a bunch of characters from different planets like she grew up doing it. Plus she makes major life decisions without really thinking about the consequences.

So while Jupiter Ascending has the basic sci-fi elements, it’s too hectic with its plot devices. The Wachowski’s must like the idea of harvesting humans (like in The Matrix) because they use it again for this movie. The process is not quite fully explained with how the Abraxas siblings extract beings from other planets (as well as Earth) to turn them into a life-strengthening solution to extend their mortality.

Maybe a re-watch would clarify things, but I don’t want to put myself through that again. It wasn’t a waste of time, so it doesn’t deserve a rating so low as an “F”but there wasn’t enough to save it from being a bad movie.

Photo credit: http://www.scene-stealers.com/reviews/print-reviews/jupiter-ascending-is-a-glorious-mess-of-unbridled-creativity/


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s